Poodoo HUMOR

30th October, 1999 
Prasad reporting

Life for Skywalker started out on a rocky road, he lived a peasants life and suffered sever sunburn. As a child he was unusually strange, as friend Biggs Darklighter points out, "All he ever wanted to do was go to the Toshi Station, it really got scary after a while." 

      After Darklighter left, Skywalker was all alone. He started to go to the Toshi Station by himself and even became rebellious.  He would yell at his Uncle and beg to leave. Finally Skywalker could no longer take it.  He wanted out, and the only way out was to take down Auntie and Uncle.  

       It was an eerie morning, Skywalker left the homestead early, and then everything went just as the scoundrel had planned.  The previous day he had called in some Tusken Raiders to do his dirty work.  He specifically instructed them to make it seem as though Imperial Storm Troopers had done the job.  Luke made arrangements to pay the Tuskens as soon as the job was done.

      Through some strange twist of fate the Raiders didn't get their money and went after Luke.  Fortunately or unfortunately, Luke was rescued by an unidentified source.

      The next few years of the Farmers life are a mystery, filled with stories
that stretch from him going to Hoth and onto Degobah, to him being sold as a slave to a Toydarian Junk Dealer.

      Luke next resurfaced on Bespin where he met his estranged father.  The meeting apparently did not go very well and ended with Luke running away from his father, claiming he had been abused.  As the story goes Skywalker was impressed with his father's power, but like all teens he wanted to rebel.  So since daddy was a Sith, he had to be a Jedi.

      Skywalker then returned to his home planet to wreak more havoc.  He, with the help of some thug-like friends freed a smuggler that had been brought to justice.  He was then cited for poaching of the most endangered spices in the galaxy, the Rancor.  With fewer than 100 Rancor remaining in the wild, Luke's poaching was a serious crime.  Luke, knowing that he had wronged, wrote an extensive apology to HETR (Hutts for the Ethical Treatment of Rancors) and once again fled into obscurity.

      Skywalker was next seen exiting the second Deathstar.  He was apparently speaking to a figure in black, rumored to be his father.  Reports say the conversation went something like this:
       Figure: "Luke..You were right."
      Skywalker: "Of course I was, you think I'm stupid!?  You think I'm stupid don't you? I always knew you liked her better. [Muffling a sob]"
      Figure: "Luke tell your sis-ter you were right."
      Skywalker: "There you go bringing her up again! Now stop talking or I'm going to turn this TIE right back around and you're not going to get to go to the bacta tank!!"
Skywalker was last seen in the midst of a wild party on Endor.

      If you have any additional information as to the where about of this heinous criminal please inform a Storm Trooper,  immediately.  If you see Mr. Skywalker do not approach him, he is to be considered armed and extremely dangerous.  He has been known to be accompanied by two assassin droid.